F*** Fantasy Football

*This Entry has NOT been censored*

Its the end of july. which means august is here. Which means september is a quick month away (like july was), which means football season is coming!!!!

Which means that this is the time of year when my friends start asking about "The League"

I have one thing to say about "The League"

Fuck Fantasy Football

Yeah that's right. I said it.
Fantasy football is the most addictive frustrating shit possible.
For the two of you reading this who don't know what I'm talking about, fantasy football is a statistical game, whereas you and some people get together and hold a "draft" of as many NFL players as you want. As their stats grow, so do your points. Your QB throws a TD, you get points. Your RB coughs up a fumble, you lose some - you get the gist.

Anyway, what this leads to, often, is the emotional equivalent of having 10 favorite football teams.

Yes, you already know my favorite team is the Washington Redskins. Nothing will change that - ever. With the possible exception of my purchase of an NFL franchise or my son making the roster of one that isn't the 'Skins, but whatever.

This is what fantasy football does to you. First of all you either get DirecTV NFL Sunday ticket so you can follow ALL your players or you go to a bar and breath smoke and randomly cheer for odd things.

Such as "Throw it to T.O. you bastard!!!" or "F***! They're going to get a field goal on my defense!"

Little dumb shit like that. I have some friends I go with and without naming names - Damien - some of them get a little too animated about the fantasy shit.

Now to be fair, I've already accomplished everything I want to accomplish in Fantasy football. I crush the competition with a regular pattern of execution and luck. So last summer I really didn't even want to start "The League" - a fantasy football competition that I am the commissioner of.

The League is officially known as the Simply The Best Invitational. My team name used to be Simply The Best, but since last year, it became FUCK FANTASY FOOTBALL

I might be making myself sound bitter, but last year I didn't do diddly squat when it comes to winning. I gave up in like Week 4. Perhaps if I was still hungry for victory I would've cared, but like the streets - they just keep pulling me back in.

Sure, I enjoy the chance to communicate with my friends on a regular basis for 5 months at a time, but I just...I dont know, I feel like that old retired vet who doesn't want fans asking him why he retired so early - like Barry Sanders. I'm trying to walk away while I can still stand but y'all want me to break the all time rushing record? How about YOU go break the all time rushing record when LaVar Arrington's big ass is breathing down your neck, then tell me what to do with myself.

I digress

Last year I got screwed from jump. Daunte Culpepper was hurt. Those lames in the Minnesota Vikings organization didn't say shit. Then after I drafted him with my 1st roundpick, suddenly he has three fucked up knee ligaments. I'm not going to bore you with the logistics of what happens when you're first round pick doesnt ever play, but lets just say its not good...At all...like he was getting me negative points.

Now, a year later, I have some perspective. I shouldn't have drafted his bitch ass. Not because you aren't supposed to draft QBs before all the decent RBs are gone (a kink in the fantasy scoring system for you first timers. Yes Tiki Barber is more important than Peyton Manning) but because Randy Moss had left.
Who did I think he'd be throwing to? The Air Up There?
That was a bad pick that I made based on his 2004 performance (as good or better than most RBs in fantasy points) but you must take into consideration a lot of factors when you make a pick.
This year, watch Larry Johnson, LaDanian Tomlinson, and Shaun Alexander. Now far and away, these are the top 3 picks in fantasy football this year. You really cannot justify having one of the first 3 picks and not taking one of them. THAT BEING SAID, each had significant changes that might affect their play

Larry Johnson would've set the alltime rushing yards and td record had he started all season. He took Coach Dick Vermeil's advice and "took off the diapers". Well this year he doesn't have the benefit of sharing carries with Priest Holmes, AND Willie Roaf retired. Willie Roaf is one of the best blocking linemen in history. Oh yeah, and the Chiefs lost Offensive coordinator Al Saunders, an X's and O's genius who was able to cover up the fact that they had the shittiest receiving corp EVER. So now that he has less blocking and the passing game will be downgraded, guess what - defenses will be waiting for him

LaDanian Tomlinson - one of my favorite players on my 2nd favorite team (based on my time in San Diego and the fact that they don't play in the NFC) will probably see some level of drop off at the beginning of the season. Pro Bowl QB Drew Brees was let go and he signed with the Saints. 3rd year player Phillip Rivers will take his place after not having any playing time his first 2 years in the league. Rivers, to me, is the best of the 3 QBs taken in the top 11 two years ago. He's better than Eli Manning, and he's better than Ben Rothlisberger. So at some point the SD passing game will be ok. Maybe by Week 7. But what about before that?

Shaun Alexander - the Seahawks let Steve Hutchinson go...one of the best lineman in the game, and I think they let his fullback go too.

Anyway - see how I went from saying fuck fantasy football to going on and on about it for like 20 mintues - DAMMIT

My league drafts August 26. I think we'll have 10 players this year, and our first lady entrant
On to real life - did I tell you the REDSKINS play in Texas two consecutive weekends? That's great. @Houston one week @Dallas the next. I'm saving money already. I need to buy a jersey to wear to the games.